Walls

Why is it that I can't have just one week of being happy without you trying to tear it all down? Why can't I just say I had a good time without you saying it was just a waste of everyone's time and that it would've been better to just stay home?

I'm so sick of all the bullshit you put me through and I'm done trying to stay in touch with someone who A: lives halfway across the country and B: causes me so much pain.

It's because of you that I'm closing off from almost everyone and more than likely will I back to the drinking and the hollowness because I just can't bear to deal with all the painful memories you've given me.

I have a friend that says that no matter what, she'll always worry about me because she cares. And my answer has always been that there's nothing to worry about and I wish she wouldn't worry so much.

Well, because of you, there is a good reason to worry . . . I haven't been stable since we started talking again and I just want to sleep and to never wake up again because of the things you say to me. . . I just don't want to live with it anymore.

I don't want to live knowing that you're right when you say that I always hurt everyone around me. That youre right when you say that people are better off with out me around.

. . . I can't deal with it anymore. I don't want to. . .

I haven't hurt this badly in a very long time. . . Not since the people I was closest to passed away.

I'm sorry. . .

F.G.