I am looking forward to the new seemed yet in college with optimism but also with fear. I'm scared of over focusing on school work and further alienating the people that I care most about. I've reconnected with so many o my friends over the break and I really don't want to lose them again. But, in spite of the fear of loss, there's also the hope that I won't care too much. I know, it sounds messed up but the last time I let myself care about the people in my life, I ended up caring too much and I got scared. . . I panicked. And in the end I lost everyone. Even the one that promised to always be there, panicked and left because of the things I said to her. I cared too much and I kind of really started to fall for her. But she got sick of seeing the hurt I felt because she couldn't return the feelings. So she left and, eentually, I moved on. Reconnecting with my friends has been amazing for me because I dont feel do alone all the time. I've missed being able to talk to someone about problems without the fear. But already, there's distance between me and all the others because it's hard to just forget about all that was said and done and to move forward.
But I'm hoping those gaps will fill and everyone can be safe and happy. I'm moving forward with hope.
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