Empty

"Whatever made me the way I am left me hollow, empty inside, unable to feel. It doesn't seem like a big deal. I'm quite sure most people fake an awful lot of everyday human contact. I just fake all of it. I fake it very well, and the feelings are never there."

Darkly Dreaming Dexter
Jeff Lindsay

Everything I Can

I will do everything I can not to let my issues get to me tonight. You need someone to talk to you because some people are just little fuckers that try to hurt you. I WILL be one of the people that you can talk to about what's hurting you. I WILL be a good friend. If need be, I WILL do everything I can to see you tomorrow just to give you a hug, help you pull through this, and make you smile.

I'm tired of being the shitty friend...not just to you but to everyone else.

I'm going to be there for you from now on...even if it kills me.

Dependancy

I've become over dependent on too many people and things in my life.

Dependent on the people I used to trust openly.

Dependent on my books.

Dependent on my writing.

Dependent on drawing.

Dependent on watching movies

Dependent on Netflix

Dependent on everything but myself.

I can't keep going like this.

One Cut

Is all it takes to start an addiction...

What next. . .

I don't know what I'm supposed to do next. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 

One hug was enough to get me to balance out for two days. But what happens when no one is left to help me through the dark days. When no one is left for hugs. Or for simply asking if I'll be okay. 

What will happen when they all move away and I'm alone. . . 

When no one cares what happens to me. . . 

I'm losing everyone that's ever meant anything to me. . . 

Self Destructive

I realize my demise is clearly tied
to the choices that are made today
Think twice and analize,
that path outside is leading you the wrong way
Leading me the wrong way

Why am I self destructive?
My concience calls me out
I am so self destructive.
My concience calls me out

Look in and begin too see the trend
This pattern of behaviour that kills
what is right in our lives
Destroying what is sacred
I need to take control,
I need to let it go

Why do I put you through this?
My mind is rendered useless

Failing

Yet again, I'm starting to fail my classes. One by one my grades are dropping because I just don't care anymore. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to be alone. Not doing anything.