Failing

Yet again, I'm starting to fail my classes. One by one my grades are dropping because I just don't care anymore. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to be alone. Not doing anything.

Slipping

Last night, you talked me out of suicide and convinced me to sleep instead. To call you in the morning.

Today, I don't exist.

Wondering

What if things go really well on Tuesday?

What if I come home really, truly happy?

I don't know how I'll react to it all.

But then again, going on a date with an ex's best friend could be a bit complicated in the first place.

Guess I'll just have to wait and see where all this goes. Kinda hoping for the best and beyond excited for Tuesday.

No Use Dwelling In the Past

But I can't help it.

I always end up coming back to the same conclusion everytime that I get into this kind of mood.

I always come back to the fact that my lack of friends is ENTIRELY my fault.

Closeness

Tonight is one of those nights that I wish I had someone to be close to. To just have someone sitting here next to me so I wouldn't be alone anymore.

At this point I truly would feel alone in a crowded room.

Harder. . .

It seems that every time reality sets in, it's harder to deal with than the time before.

Why?

Sometimes I wonder why you even bother.

I message you only to have you tell me to text you instead.
I text you only to be ignored

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.