Dependancy

I've become over dependent on too many people and things in my life.

Dependent on the people I used to trust openly.

Dependent on my books.

Dependent on my writing.

Dependent on drawing.

Dependent on watching movies

Dependent on Netflix

Dependent on everything but myself.

I can't keep going like this.

One Cut

Is all it takes to start an addiction...

What next. . .

I don't know what I'm supposed to do next. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 

One hug was enough to get me to balance out for two days. But what happens when no one is left to help me through the dark days. When no one is left for hugs. Or for simply asking if I'll be okay. 

What will happen when they all move away and I'm alone. . . 

When no one cares what happens to me. . . 

I'm losing everyone that's ever meant anything to me. . . 

Self Destructive

I realize my demise is clearly tied
to the choices that are made today
Think twice and analize,
that path outside is leading you the wrong way
Leading me the wrong way

Why am I self destructive?
My concience calls me out
I am so self destructive.
My concience calls me out

Look in and begin too see the trend
This pattern of behaviour that kills
what is right in our lives
Destroying what is sacred
I need to take control,
I need to let it go

Why do I put you through this?
My mind is rendered useless

Failing

Yet again, I'm starting to fail my classes. One by one my grades are dropping because I just don't care anymore. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to be alone. Not doing anything.

Slipping

Last night, you talked me out of suicide and convinced me to sleep instead. To call you in the morning.

Today, I don't exist.

Wondering

What if things go really well on Tuesday?

What if I come home really, truly happy?

I don't know how I'll react to it all.

But then again, going on a date with an ex's best friend could be a bit complicated in the first place.

Guess I'll just have to wait and see where all this goes. Kinda hoping for the best and beyond excited for Tuesday.